Footprints
by Kuroi-cho-tsuki-shiro
Summary: "Do not weep, do not give in, do not give up, and do not feel unless I give you permission to do so. Their world was crumbling at the edges and instead of pulling it back together, she was forcing him to hold it for her, never once daring to ask what it cost him." Byakuya x Hisana 58
1. Chapter 1

_**Author's Note: Thank you Huan05, Icyangel (I'm sorry – blame Kubo!), Hapezibah, Splitheart and Shadow Pain, for the reviews.**_

_**The majority of this story would not exist were it not for "Crumbling Edges" by Ianithanai on DeviantArt. It's an amazing picture and worth checking out.**_

It was the most selfish she had ever been and yet it was the only way she knew to survive. Do not weep, do not give in, do not give up, and do not feel unless I give you permission to do so. What she could not stand was to see him grieve before she was even dead. That seemed like too much of a travesty and, to stay sane, she needed him to be strong, as he had always been in her eyes. So that when she cried, he held her, and when she lost hope, he was still there, making promises, at the end of everything. Their world was crumbling at the edges and instead of pulling it back together, she was forcing him to hold it for her, never once daring to ask what it cost him.

On the few occasions that the surface of their reality was rubbed away, the core beneath was capable of burning them both. Like the time she found him in the writing room, going through page after page of her hand-written manuscripts.

"These aren't diaries," he said, and she knew that he was angry because she had lied again. "These are descriptions of things. Of Rukongai. Of people."

"I came to tell you that I'm going to bed."

"Hisana, what is this?"

She took a deep breath. He'd not looked up; his eyes were following the lines of her words, disbelieving.

"It's everything. It's everything I've found so far so that, when I'm gone, you can carry on searching."

"No." There was barely a hesitation in his denial, and that hurt her.

"Byaku" –

"This is your world, Hisana. Your obsession. Think about who I am! How can I keep looking?"

"You have men!"

"I command soldiers! There is a difference." Getting up, he gestured with the notebook, taking in the sweep of the room: "This is enough! You've done enough. More than enough to atone for one life!"

"I ha – Byaku" – Damn it, how could she argue when a single breath induced spasms of coughing? She turned aside, trying to breathe again before the tightness in her chest could get the better of her. Byakuya had approached, of course, as he always did, one hand reaching out. This time, instead of hesitating though, he took hold of her wrist, drawing her hand back from her face. "You said – she was your sister too," she gasped. His grip only tightened until he was hurting her:

"I won't forgive her for this"

"Byakuya-_sama, _please!" She turned frightened eyes towards him. It was the first time he had spoken this way.

"She did this to you!"

"No, Byakuya."

"Every day you insisted on searching for her. Every day when you were ill. Every day when I should have stopped you."

"Byakuya" –

"And why did I have to share you?" he snarled: "You were my wife!"

"I am your wife!" Another violent fit of coughing took her and he released her hand, leaving her to stagger past him, out into the anteroom and towards the screen door. He caught her from behind as her legs gave way, encircling her completely. Perhaps a little too tightly. He didn't know it, but he hurt her sometimes that way. Beneath all the beauty and all the elegance, there was a savagery in him. No doubt it was this that made him a more than capable warrior; it was this and not his compassion that commanded respect. It was this, she thought miserably, and not his gentleness, that would survive when she was gone.

"We were meant to have eternity together," he said, more quietly but with no less anger. She struggled, but gave in, no longer a party to this conversation, but an onlooker, only watching him fall apart: "It's not fair," he whispered: "I forbid you from leaving me."

"One soul dies so that another may live," she whispered in return, his words coming back to her from years past: "What could be more fair than that?" He fell silent.

It was raining outside. The screen door was open and she could see dark water stains on the wooden floor. After a long time, she tried to pry his hands from her again, but he wasn't letting go: "Byakuya-_sama," _she said softly, resorting to covering his hands with her own: "Find her for me."

"Enough."

"She's going to need someone. If I'm not here, then who's going to find her when she needs to be found? Who's going to take care of her?"

"If I were to take her in, I would break the law for you. Again." He rested his head on her shoulder: "Central Forty-six knew, when they blessed our marriage, when they gave us permission to wed, they knew that this would happen."

"How could they know?"

"They knew. Losing you is my punishment."

She hung her head. His grip on her had loosened a little, but she kept hold of his hands:

"You are not being punished, Byakuya-_sama." _His misery scared her. It was too much like resignation. She had preferred it when he was angry. "When I was young, before you came into my life and for a long time after too, I thought that it was possible for people to be alone. Completely alone. I thought I could go through life without touching anything or anyone. But it's not possible. You taught me that, Byakuya-_sama. _We all leave footprints. We all leave evidence that we've lived. The trick is knowing where they should fall, knowing where they're needed. I've made plenty of mistakes, but I think I know now. Turning away has never taken me in the right direction." She sighed. The rain was easing. The room smelled sweet and damp and she sensed that Byakuya was calmer now. She loved the calm in him. She loved the anger in him. Like the ebb and swell of a storm. "So please understand," she said: "Rukia. She's something that I left behind. She's the proof that I lived. That's why you have to find her."

"If she still lives," he said softly.

"With every day that passes, I grow more sure. But she won't be like me, Byakuya-_sama. _She'll be stronger. To have survived this long, she'd have to be. She'll have more courage too." She hesitated, then added softly: "But she won't want to be alone any more than you will."


	2. Chapter 2

_**Author's Note: Thank you Hapezibah, Splitheart, Ashes2ashes and Huan for the reviews. Ashes – all my ideas re Rukia's / Byakuya's relationship are in the story (well, couple of stories) that follow on from this one.I hope you will stay and read them. Huan – I would love to read another of your fics. Please post one soon. xx**_

_**It makes me sad to post this chapter. My Hisana…. : ( An inspiration for parts of this was "Love Story – Byakuya x Hisana" by Shania90 on DeviantArt. Lovely picture. Go find it after you read this.**_

The winter drew on and, at night, the chill crept into Hisana's body, seeping into all the cracks and fissures of their charade. She moved out of Byakuya's room, which was at the rear of the house, and close to the hearth. The smoke from any and all fires was cloying to her lungs. So the servants made her up a room at the front of the house, with a bed laid out on the _tatami. _It was cold, but they gave her blankets and she could see the white winter sky from where she lay.

She slept more and more these days. Whenever she woke, Byakuya was there. He seemed to be with her always, and never in his uniform, which she wondered at. He read to her often and, for that, she was grateful. His words took her away and, on most nights, she drifted into the worlds described in his stories.

There was no pain. Just a loss of traction.

The way he said her name, Hisana; it had always been so beautiful to her. It could have been a morning or an afternoon, she wasn't sure. Thin sunlight crept into the room from the high windows.

"Hisana." He had lifted her hand from where it lay against her chest. He rarely woke her, so it must be something important. "The plum blossoms are in bloom. They were always your favourite, Hisana" – her name, again – "I wish you could see them."

She almost laughed. How inconsequential! And yet, he remembered; they had been married beneath the plum blossoms.

"Thank you," she whispered. His hold on her hand had tightened. He was trying to keep her, but, in her heart, she knew that she was already far from here. She was in the blossoms as they fell from the trees. The same wind that was sweeping them away was taking her with it, and she was frightened, yes, but not about to turn away. She had waited for this. "These last five years with Byakuya-_sama _have been a dream," said a girl, standing outside a tumbledown house in Rukongai as she watched a carriage pass by for the very last time: "I'm so sorry. I wish I could have stayed longer. I wish I could have loved youeven half as much as you've deserved. But please, please find Rukia and, when you find her, don't tell her who I was. I was never worthy of being her sister, but please take her in and let her call you 'brother.'" It was dark now and she wondered if he would light the lamps before she slept: "That is all I wish. Can you promise me that, Byakuya-_sama?"_

A shiver ran through her body and her hand slipped from between his fingers to fall against her chest. He had not been holding it so tightly after all.

If he ever made the promise, she did not hear it.

***************************END OF TRACK 6 *********************************************

_My whole world is the pain inside me._

_The best I can do is just get through the day,_

_And life before is only a memory;_

_I wonder why God lets me walk through this place._

_And, though I can't understand why this happened,_

_I know that I will, when I look back some day,_

_And see how you've brought beauty from ashes_

_And made me as gold, purified through these flames._

_**From "Beauty from Pain," Superchick**_

_Song for you….. You are the reason we share the warmth now._

_Song for you….. There in the blue, the sun shines out._

_While living, we walk alone,_

_But lives leave their mark and_

_What's left behind lives on._

_**From "Song for You," Rock Musical Bleach**_


	3. Chapter 3

**To everyone who has faved and watched this story. THANK YOU!**

**Wow, if you have come this far, you are getting to the very last of the stories in this project. There follow four short stories, which really finish off Rukia's story and put Hisana's within that context. I understand if you have read Hisana's and don't want to carry on with Rukia's, but the two sisters' tales do make the best sense when they're shown together. Well, that was the aim of the whole project...**

**The next part of this story is called WHEREVER YOU NEED TO GO and it focuses on Rukia and Byakuya. It will appear in a separate installment, which I will upload now. If you can't find it, look on my profile page. The links to all the stories are there.**

**THANKS TO Shadewolf7, Truantpony, ForbiddenME, Pinky357, Immortal Vows, Chellythemadhatter, Insomniatic95, Sallythedestroyerofworlds23, UNTensaZangetsu, XDark FangsX, Superlynx, Ichigoforeverlove, Ennaalemap, Makaykay15, Huan05, Splash into Forever, War90, Yellowwomanonthebrink, Bakane, Night Flower, Hallmarktrinity, Tiffany Park, Snowcrystals, Neristhaed, Splitheart1120, VanillaTwilight4, Nightfur, Happykiller93, Haildance, Ani-mimi, Mysticalphoenix-avalon, Jennyrdr, Goranr, Firebirdever, Isleofsolitude, Itachipanda, Pamila de Castro, Lemgem, Nightingale Heartz, Ashes2ashes121, Icyangel27, Westhardobbs, Devdhftf, Computer-Rukia-Addicted, Thayet9, EcalSol019, WriteFF13, Sky1011, Xwannaflyx, MidnightVampire18, Pen-aine, ShadowPain, Tazski, Jayemgee and Hapezibah.**


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